did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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