I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need help removing her.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
