she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
