Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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