I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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