she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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