I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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