if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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