Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
is it fun? or sober?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
