dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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