Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize