We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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