They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
