my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
