i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
