First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
