my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
