Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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