Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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