are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i now understand why vodka
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
