New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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