All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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