I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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