so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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