Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
