dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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