The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
