What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
