So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
