Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
