I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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