If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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