My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
