standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
