so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
