somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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