and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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