He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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