It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
