Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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