I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
