Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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