Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
