You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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