how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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