I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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