I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize