If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
