and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
