I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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