Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
