girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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