So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
