3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
