Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
