You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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