you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
