I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
