Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
