I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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