Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am available for nakedness
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
