fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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