no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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