I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
