Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
