My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
