i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize